A Team By Any Other Name

July 22, 2020

by Jay Evans

If there is any argument to the long running debate which is the worst franchise in the NFL, then the Washington “formerly known as the Redskins” have no competition. It makes me sad and the entire population has to consider, what comes next?

First and foremost, I want to apologize for my absence in these trying times. In a crazy, mixed up world, I did the unthinkable, I got married. I am having a child and my wife and I are looking for a home. But I signed on to report and my return harshly coincides with the revelation of the rot of Ashburn.

My passion for the Redskins and its fans is completely selfish. It is narcissistic and fanatical. So why write? Why speak? Because this is the best time to do so and it’s the general discourse that unites us as a fanbase. As a populous and as citizens of Redskins nation it is our right to be a cohesive unit, no matter the name of the organization.

The cohesive unit that makes up this fanbase is a collection of memories, shared experiences, and fondness of the party decks. Actually, not the last one, although it has provided some superior photos in past years. FedEx Field, last in primetime wins, but first in fellatio.

Football is soon back and yet the Washington football team seems further from a return to success than ever before. The April draft was 14 years ago and the franchise has gotten worse.

It’s going to take some heavy duty OxiClean to scrub free the stain from Larry Michael’s greasiness. The whole lot consisting of Alex Santos, Richard Mann, Dennis Greene, and Mitch Gershman all deserve to be shoved out to sea with only a small bottle of lube to share amongst themselves.

If changing the name is one long stride away from the pathetic nature they’ve existed throughout the last 30 years, then that is as strong a reason to change now more than ever.

Unfortunately, Ron Rivera, the newly minted head coach, has to answer questions of sexual propositions from 14 years ago and the second best wideout from last year, Kelvin Harmon, recently tore his ACL in offseason workouts.

Until the players get to take the field, Washington will not be mentioned without the addressing the actions of the executives. Washington rarely gets mentioned as it is, but the actions of a few will dominate any public comment.

If I wanted to watch one team get so consistently dunked on I’d watch a Wizards games in the bubble. Seemingly the only scenarios when the words Washington and football are uttered together from the mass media is a direct result of a crisis.

Dan already landed a date with a way prettier date to the prom than he had any business doing so when Ron Rivera said, “yes I’ll go with you.” Is it Rivera’s fault his date turned into a crazed lunatic, the likes of which we have all warned our daughters about?

“I sure as hell am not going to allow any of this,” Rivera exclaimed when asked about the transgressions of his new employer’s past activities. No [bleep]!

How did Dan respond? With a statement issued from his boat on the French coastline or Bora Bora or wherever, but with no humanity and certainly not physically. “Beth Wilkinson and her firm are empowered to do a full, unbiased investigation and make any and all requisite recommendations. Upon completion of her work, we will institute new policies and procedures and strengthen our human resources infrastructure to not only avoid these issues.”

Where is the culpability? Where’s the apology to the women? What would you tell your wife? What am I going to tell my own daughter about my fandom for such depravity?

Asking for the world to return to its normal axis is far from where our attention should be. Women were abused. Friends were abused. Daughters and mothers were abused.

If the collective group that consisted of Nike, Pepsi, and FedEx that called for the end of the name rang the death knell of the Redskins, then the Washington Post article was the nail sealing the coffin.

Disgust is the only acceptable response to the actions of people who represent the franchise and the “now” former employees of Daniel Snyder. Mr. Snyder and former president of football operations Bruce Allen may not be implicated, but they are at fault.

The whole operation is guilty of spreading the rampant disease. Even if they were asymptomatic, their arrogance and slothfulness infected the Washington football club from the owner’s box to the field.

I don’t see the psychopathy in their eyes. I see losers and people who are always going to do the easiest thing. I have never said the losing from the past millennium is a result of one person, but it is empirically clear the Redskins are losers because of Dan Snyder.

The only rational conclusion is the Redskins completely deserved to be disbanded.

Life is a lot bigger than arguing about a name. I don’t care what the name is. I don’t at all.

It makes not one difference in my daily interactions. I am a fan of the football team of Washington D.C.

I care about the legacy of the franchise and that will go on regardless of the name. Not Dan Snyder. Bruce Allen or the next fall guy don’t matter. No player, coach, or fight song, is the be all of my fanaticism.

The Wizards is the worst name of any team in the area and quite possibly all of sport. It’s downright moronic. Does that stop anyone from rooting for the local basketball team or still referring to the current crop as Bullets? No.

I understand the name change was needed. The late Abe Pollin raced for a new brand after his friend was assassinated and opened up phone lines for fans to vote on the new name. The options included Sea Dogs, Dragons, Express, and Stallions.

Clinging to the past has led to haphazard slogans like Hogs 2.0, and don’t forget the #Griffining that swept the nation.

I still struggle, constantly referring to the Wizards as the Bullets and sometimes I even cheer “Go Sea Dogs!” I will slip and call the football team the Redskins, but Washington F.C. is an appropriate fitting to a hurried soon-to-be renamed franchise.

I will call them whatever the team decides to be called because it is appropriate to move along, but the move is now more imperative to distance the franchise from the filth that has festered for so long.

A year or two of namelessness may ultimately be the best alternative. The name controversy will be eliminated and Rivera can lead the group on the field into uncharted territory. The team name can evolve naturally and create a new identity.

Laurel Sutton, a principal at Catchword Branding, a naming consulting group highlighted the difficulties which surround professional franchises in name changes in a 2010 New York Times article. “Rebranding a team is a multiyear, multimillion-dollar process. Given the logistics, a name change should not happen in time for the season.”

Edward O’Hara, the chief creative officer at SME, said “Good names should have grass-roots appeal, be alliterative, not conflict with another team’s name, and link to a team’s roots or be suggestive of its future.”

The Washington football team’s future is uncertain. The worst decision the team could make is to hastily slap a goofy logo on the helmet and force new words into the old fight song.

The best decision the franchise can do is run as far from the name as quickly as possible to start anew. Whenever Ron Rivera and the team are allowed on the field, they can begin to establish a new unique identity.

Lastly and most importantly, Dan Snyder needs to make an appearance and apologize, to everyone.